The Onion: Elon Musk Creates Federal Employee Revenge Porn Database

"Promising to use the U.S. DOGE Service to usher in a new age of government accountability and transparency, Elon Musk ordered the creation of a federal employee revenge porn database this week. “Federal employees have been lazy and unmotivated for years, so to ensure productivity going forward, all government workers must email me private nudes they would never want leaked,” said Musk, who warned members of the U.S. civil service that failing to send in a sexually explicit video in which their face was clearly visible would be considered a resignation. “In the event of insubordination or noncompliance with executive orders, these private porn videos will be immediately posted to Pornhub and other sites using the employee’s full name. I don’t want any of that softcore shit either—only videos with full penetration or clear oral sex acts will be considered valid. DOGE employees and myself will be personally reviewing each video to ensure compliance and will reject any videos deemed not explicit enough.” Musk added that for any federal employee who does not currently have a qualifying sex tape, AI would be used to create one." 

Source:The Onion with a look at Elon Musk: "I'm the baddest mother fucker in the business today".

From The Onion

Also from The Onion: 

"Elon Musk Rushed To Hospital After Attempting To Impregnate Toaster" 

Source:The Onion with a look a mother fucker Elon Musk.

From The Onion

As my colleague Fred Schneider wrote about President Trump's boy genius Elon Musk back in February: 

"Another way to describe CPAC (Crazy People At a Convention) would be to use a pro wrestling analogy. And the 10 pro wrestling fans who see this post, will understand what I'm talking about. Unless they're MAGAheads and they didn't take their medication today... 

From The New Democrat

So what Elon Musk is literally saying here is:"You give me 100% obedience, or I'll literally fuck you over!" Imagine being a government employee and getting that memo from someone who doesn't even have an official position in the U.S. Government. You might just take that as spam or hate mail. The far-right, as well as the Libertarian Right in America keep saying that government workers are overpaid and overprivileged. But treating them like this, I think blows that argument out the water:

"Give me exactly what I want, or I I'll fuck you over completely". 

I mean if you are willing to work under those working conditions, a million a year might not be too much for government workers. 

I wish The Onion toaster story about Elon Musk was true, just like I wish Donald Trump's latest reality TV show MAGA Takes Over The White House, was just another "reality TV show". Just a bunch people who think they own the world because they have so much money: 

who dump champagne on people who because they were the same outfit 

who fire people for being 10 seconds late 

who get into nightclub fights and thrown into jail for the fun of it and because they want to "go viral", etc.

But instead of Elon Musk perhaps living in some rehab center right now trying to recover from all the burn damage he received from literally trying to "fuck a toaster", instead of trying to serve as the actual President (if not dictator) of the United States, with Donald Trump just serving as his puppy, MAGA Takes Over The White House is actually a real life story. And an American nightmare for more than 1/2 of the country right now.  

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